Knowing You Can Do Everything.

You damn sure don't need a pill. I fell asleep thinking I can rule the world, I woke up to a bunch of employers telling me I wasn't going to get the jobs I applied for. I looked through Twitter only to find most of my associates have their own lives to worry about and my views on what is going on are far too left field for them to really care. I didn't Tweet. I went back into my head, I started to think of myself as a whole, a human. A body that works with a brain that doesn't need to be reminded to work, and then I started thinking about my brain. It does so much yet none of the things I think about seem to do anything but stay in my head, and when I do speak, I just confuse things for those around me, or I stir up some kind of debate. Is it acceptance I am looking for? Some sort of understanding? Human words that I will probably never be able to grasp. I question whether or not I want to be all by myself or if I need people because of how bad things can get by my lonesome. I just want to work and provide for both myself and the people who share what I keep for the most part locked in my head. I start thinking about how much more I can learn and how much I don't know. But I feel trapped at times even helpless. I look in the mirror and tell myself there are better things waiting for you once you get moving, but I find the only place I can go and be at peace with myself is the library. There is no twenty-four hour library though. I think about how I almost became a robot and thank God for putting me where I am at, but I don't ask him why I am suffering so much because of my new knowledge, I only take it as a sign of causality. I ask him to watch over the people caught in my web of confusion both directly and indirectly. I am sorry if I lost you I am just trying to clear my head. There is so much I want to know but I have a feeling I am just going to have to roll with these thoughts until I find the answers through the hard lessons I am used to learning. I think about how it could turn me into a cold individual, that scares me, it scares me so much. I stop thinking and put on some music, eat, read, write, sketch, something to remind myself that I am not just a brain. I am a human who is capable of doing great things and the hope shines through that dark cloud I set up in a matter of hours. Then I go to sleep knowing I can do anything.

My Mother tells me I am strong.

I just want her to be correct.